Here is the first chapter, of my first book. Please enjoy!

A Darker Shade Of Pink

May 2, 1985, it's a warm, spring day, with a cool breeze, and all of our loved ones are ecstatic to be there to see us get married. Tristan and I are hosting the reception outside this evening, and by all appearances, everything is going accordingly. We have catering, people on the dance floor, and family at their tables just chatting amongst themselves. After our first dance as Mr. and Mrs. Tristan McCarthy, we join our parents at the head table and begin to reminisce.

“Has anyone seen Scarlet?” I asked.

“No, she hasn’t been around here sweetheart.” Mom said.

"I remember when you kids played outside from dawn until dusk all summer long."

"Hard to believe they're all grown up and married already", Tristan's mom says.

"I'm very proud that both of you decided to graduate college before getting married and having babies." My dad says.

My cheeks turn bright pink at his comment.

My mom blurts out, "So, when are you going to give me some grandbabies?"

“Really mom? Right now?” I am so embarrassed. “I think you’ve have too much champagne mother!.” I exclaimed.

"Hey Scarlet! Come sit with us." As I pat the open seat next to me. "Now mom, about those babies... I really don't know."

"Well darling, they'll be given to you when the time is right." His dad explains, and asks Tristan,, "Now son, how do you like being a corrections officer?"  As he straightened his suspenders, and then lit up a cigar.
Tristan perked up at once, and sat straight up in his seat. His eyes lit up as he spoke.
"Oh dad I love it. I feel I was born to do this. It's more than a job, this is definitely my career."

Scarlet catches my eye, she has a twinkle in it, and I feel the tension between us. I feel some mixed emotions. I pondered if it was just all the romance at the wedding, or maybe the lighting.

"Excuse me a moment, I have to run to the little girls room. Scarlet, come with me please."

Together, we walk across the festivities to a dimly lit womens bathroom.

"Roxie, Are you ok?" Scarlet asked.  

"I don’t know, I got this weird feeling in my stomach when Tristan was talking about his job." I answered.

"You know that I wish you all the happiness in the world, you're my best friend, and the only advice I can give you, is listen to your instincts."

We hug, she feels warm, and her hair smells pretty. Maybe I should consider listening to my instincts.

Over Roxie’s shoulder, I peek at my watch. As much as I don’t want to tell her, I have to.

“It’s time for you and your new husband to take off on your honeymoon.” I said.

I hate she’s going to be gone for two whole weeks. It’s the longest we’ve ever been apart; but I’m happy for her.

"Oh gosh, yes it is time. I'll swing by as soon as we get back from the cruise. Bye sweetie."

I miss her already. I go to find Tristan and run right into him while he's chatting up a bridesmaid.

"Hey baby! Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you.”

Shit! I just got caught flirting at my own wedding. I’ll be more slick next time, ha ha.  

"Not under her dress, that's for sure." I said.  

"We're just talking baby. Although, if I made you upset, I’m sorry. We've got to get going or we’ll miss our cruise.” I whisper in Roxie’s ear, “Don’t you ever embarrass me in public again, or I will make you regret it.” Under my breath, I tell the bridesmaid, "I'd love to take you too."

Tristan thinks I didn't hear his comment to the bridesmaid, but it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. As we are leaving, I do my best to hold it together in front of our families. How could he? We just got married for god sake! We get into the car, begin to drive off, and wave at family as we pull away. I wish I could stay with Scarlet, I don’t even care about our honeymoon anymore.

Two weeks later, we return from our honeymoon, and try to acclimate our bodies back to land. While I unpack the clothes, the words of his warning, were still echoing in my mind. I start a load of laundry, tossing all of our clothes in together, and as I'm walking back towards the bedroom, I hear the lid on the washer slam. I jump, turn around and there's Tristan in my face.

"Don't you know how to do laundry, bitch?!"

He raises his hand back. I see it coming. Paralyzed by fear. His head jerks back real fast and he spits all over my face, and walks away. Oh my god! Did that really just happen? I go to my bathroom, look in the mirror, and cry. I feel humiliated and disgusting. I scrub and disinfect my face, but even rubbing alcohol can’t wash away my shame. I've got to get out of here, so I grab a bag, throw some essentials in it, get in my car, and head over to Scarlet's. She sees me pull up, runs out of the house with her arms wide open for a hug, and then she sees the tears streaming down my face.

"What's the matter, sweetie?"

"He spit in my face because he doesn’t like the way I do the laundry!"

Scarlet comforts me, "Oh honey, he doesn't know how to treat a woman, but I do, and you can stay as long as you like.”

Gazing into her emerald green eyes, she’s taken me under her spell. I lean in, clenching her thigh, waiting for her glistening lips to press against mine. Her warm breath grazes me, she’s close.

“Stop!” I gasp. Just like that, I’ve broken the trance.

“What?! Did I do something wrong?” I ask.

Damn! We were so close. I’ve wanted this for so long, why won’t she just let this happen?

“No. No, it’s me. I know we have a spark and as much as I want to pursue it, I’m scared.” I said.

I really hope she doesn’t think it’s her because I really do want this.

I understand. If you’re serious about a relationship, I will wait for you, and I need you to know that, with me, I promise you will never be afraid. I would always protect you.” Scarlet says.

“I am serious. I hate the way Tristan treats me and I want out.”

The following day, after Scarlet and I get home from work, Tristan calls me to apologize. At first, I'm reluctant, but he promises to control his temper and it will never happen again. Scarlet tells me things won’t change, and advises me not to believe him. I take her advice to heart but I get sick of Tristan calling me. After continuing to beg for forgiveness, he wears me down, and I finally give in and go home.  

Beep! Beep! Beep! I roll over, slamming my hand down on the nightstand until it reaches the snooze button.

“Ugh. Just five more minutes.”

Beep! Beep!

“Ok, ok, I’m up.”

Before getting ready for work, I have to get in my coffee and a cigarette. Roxie and I carpool to work all the time, and when we pull up her favorite customer is standing at the front door.

“Look who it is, the super sweet, big tipper.” Scarlet said.

I’m envious of her awesome repeat customer. Later that day, another stylist approaches me in the break room alone.

“Are you and Roxie in a relationship?” She asked.

 “No, why?”

“Y’all should get together before you two start a fire with all the sparks flying out there.” She said.

I get home late from work, and explain to Tristan that I had a last minute walk-in customer, and she always requests me personally. Automatically, he assumes that just because I have a pep in my step, I must be having an affair. After all day on my feet, I'm too exhausted to cheat. He can't be convinced, and he slaps me right across the face. Cowering, I rapidly got out of the house.

Extremely upset, I go straight to Scarlet's home, walk up to the door, and she opens it before I can even knock. She stands there for a moment in disbelief, looking at me cockeyed, she gently places the back of her hand against my red, swollen cheek. Her expression transforms, her nostrils flare up, and she grabs her camera and takes a picture of my face.

"You need to call the police. He can't keep getting away with hurting you." She holds out her phone and insists I take it.

"No, I can’t jeopardize his job” I cried.

"Yeah, I guess you’re right, with a baby on the way.”

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Oh wow! Your boobs have even gotten bigger!" She said.

"No way! They are not!" I panicked, grabbing them. Then pain and sensitivity shot right through both of them. "Do you think I really could be pregnant?"

"Let's find out!" She said cheerily and went to the closet to retrieve a pregnancy test. "Now I'll give you some privacy, but you have to call me for the results, ok?"

"Ok, ok." As I slowly close the door in her face.

So many thoughts running through my mind as I stand at the sink, looking in the mirror, holding this little pink box. I'm holding my future in my hand, and Tristan is not the man I thought he was. Maybe a little one will make him change his ways. He would be a good dad; no a great dad. Trying desperately to convince myself, as I pee on the end of the stick and cap it. Setting the test on the counter, I stick my head out the door and call for Scarlet.
"Oh my god!" We said simultaneously.

We both see two dark shades of pink pop up on the test; implying positive results instantly. Suddenly, all the time I spent trying to convince myself that Tristan would be a good dad, faded away.

"Scarlet, What am I going to do? Should I even tell him? Maybe I will just go have an abortion? I have no idea what I am going to do. Help me!” I stressed.

Scarlet grabs me and pulls me in for a hug, "are you ok in there?"

"Um...yeah. I'm just a little overwhelmed. I really wasn't expecting this so soon, ya know?"

"I know, but you should probably tell Tristan as soon as you can." She said.

Scarlet assured me that everything would be alright and if not, then call the police, and I always have a place to stay with her. So that makes me feel better.

I go back home, rest, and do a lot of thinking about my baby. I wait for Tristan to come home from work, and every moment that passes the more nervous I get. I wonder if he will be mad and hit me again, or will he turn back into my knight and shining armor? When he walks in the door, my tummy fills with butterflies, and I greet him with a forced smile.

"Hey baby, I have some news for you!"

Out of nowhere, just as sweet as could be, he asks, "What is it, sweetheart?"

"We're going to have a baby!"  

His voice breaks as he apologizes for all the times he’s hurt me.

“I’m so sorry for hitting you, especially while you’re carrying my baby.” He said.

I can feel the sincerity as he hugs me and I begin to tear up.  

During the next four months, Tristan treats me like a princess. Part of me hopes that this change is forever, but part of me fears that it’s only temporary; until I give birth. I can't spend our entire marriage pregnant, and I can't live with him beating me either. Eventually, I’m going to have to make a decision if he doesn’t change.  

Tristan takes me to my prenatal appointment on this very cold January morning in 1986, and we are ecstatic because today is the day we are finally going to find out the gender of our baby. As we ride to the doctors office in anticipation, shivers run down my body, because the heater was broken in the old brown station wagon. With the radio broken, all there is to listen to is the chattering of my own teeth.

"It will be alright baby. We're going to trade her in before the baby comes." Tristan said.

"What about me!? What about now?! I'm freezing! Don't you ca-".

"Of course I care about you! I'll take care of it as soon as I can, ok?

"How about today? We don't have to put up with the cold either, and we have the money to take care of it."

"Yes. Fine. We're here. You ready?" He asked.

Tristan and I pull into a parking spot, and I'm so excited I jump out of the car so quick I don't even have time to answer him. We walk up to the door, hand in hand, and he holds it for me. While he takes a seat, I sign in, and then take a seat beside him, and we wait to be called back. Both of us are filled with anxiety. Even though it's only been ten minutes, it feels like hours when the nurse finally calls these proud parents to be back into a room. After going through the usual rigmarole, the nurse has me lie back on the exam table, belly exposed, and then she tells me she is going to apply gel to the area so she can see the baby better. I wince as the cold jelly plops onto my tummy, however I forget instantly when I look up at the screen. My eyes widen, my mouth drops a little, and I point at the screen. I’m amazed that I can see my baby inside of me, actually on the screen right in front of me.

"You're having a baby girl, my dear." The doctor said.

"That’s exciting and exactly what I was hoping for. Thank you so much doctor." I said.

My mind was racing with the same thoughts I had the day I found out I was pregnant. Tristan looked unhappy when he found out it was a girl. I wonder if it was because he wanted a boy, or maybe was it the ultrasound that made the ‘real’ for him. I wonder if it's too late to get an abortion? I hope he doesn’t go back to his old ways. I could feel my breakfast coming up my throat.

The car ride home is silent. I can tell he is unimpressed, and that makes me anxious. It was about eighteen degrees outside, but I was sweating through my shirt. I wait until we get home to talk to him, so I can look at him, try to read his emotions, and give him a chance to process the big news too. As we pull into the driveway, I look at him and roll the dice.

"We need to talk.” I said.

"No! You need to talk! That's what this is about. I'm fine." I yell at Roxie.

I head straight to my personal bar, and pour myself a scotch on the rocks, sit down in a lounge chair, light up a cigar. I don’t need to talk about everything like that woman does. Sometimes, I wish I hadn’t married her. Damnit she can’t do anything right! I just wanted a son to carry on my name. Now, it’s time for daddy to relax.

His attitude makes me so angry, that I decide to trade the car in for a navy blue minivan. There is no reason not to, I am self sufficient, independent, and have great credit. Still afraid of my husband, I secretly hope that he won't be upset. After acquiring our new vehicle, I go home to surprise my husband, but I can't seem to find him anywhere, until I come across the bar. I should have known. There he is, three sheets to the wind, of course.  

He looks up at me, "What are you doing here?" he groans.

"Well, first of all, I live here. Second, I have a surprise for you."

"Yeah, yeah. What is it?"  

"Come with me. I have to show you.” I said.  

Tristan drunkenly shuffles his way outside with me, and I help guide him.

"Ta Da!"

"Where's our car?" He asked.

"I figured since we talked about trading the car in this morning, we should get a minivan. You didn't want to talk to me after the appointment, so I went and took care of it by myself."

"I’m so proud of you. Let’s get you back inside before you freeze, baby.”

"I'm sorry I snapped at you, Roxie" Tristan said.

I wrapped my muscular arms around her growing tummy.

"Wow, I can't believe our baby is in there!"

I gently rub her belly, she puts her hand on top of mine, and she holds it there, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Did you feel that?" Roxie asked.

"Yes, my love."

Tristan put his hand in other places, trying to feel another kick or movement. I love how caring he can be, and I know he’s only human. His touch is like velvet on my sensitive skin.

"The girls are more active when I lay down, let's go." I grin as I grab him by the hand and lead him to our bedroom.

He is filled with adrenaline and excitement, and he runs into the bedroom and dives onto the bed. I walk in, unbutton my shirt, lay it on the dresser, and join him in bed. We place our intertwined hands on my belly and wait for a flutter.

"On your petite frame, honey, by the time your due date rolls around, you're going to have to have a cesarean." Tristan said.

"Well, I hope you'll still love me with a giant, ugly scar on my abdomen!" I said, half jokingly.  

"Of Course I will, silly! I love all of you, no matter what" He reassures me with a passionate kiss.

I shudder, pull him back in for another, and I can taste the scotch and cigar on his breathe. It turns me on; he tastes so good. He removes my bra, my nipples are stimulated by the cold air, and then he wraps his warm mouth around my left nipple, sucking gently. His hands wander up and down my curves, then he removes the rest of my clothes as he moves back to my mouth. Our wet lips pressing against each other, tongues gliding together in a fluid motion, kissing passionately.
I climb over and put his cock all the way down my throat, he moans, bobbing my head up and down quickly, and then I slowly lick the back of his dick until I get to the top sucking in his sweet juices. Then, I put my hand at the base of the cock moving in a twisting motion while sucking hard and fast on his dick and I can feel it swelling up bigger and harder and he's getting closer. He puts his fingers inside my wet pussy, so wet, pulls out that sweet frosting and licks it off his fingers and puts them back inside me, pounding my insides and I can feel myself getting wetter and closer and I have to stop but I don't want to, and then he whispers in my ear,
"You're fucking sexy as hell bitch."

I have to have him now, anticipating his cock, he shoves his fingers in my mouth that were just inside of me, and I sucked vigorously on them as I pulled him inside me.

"Oooh, yes! You feel so fucking good!"

I ride him, pounding his dick while he holds my hips, pushing me further down on him, then pulling me up almost off the head of his dick, and then with more force, pushing me back down again, I moan loudly and began to cum. Right after, he moans, grips my hips tightly with both hands, forces himself inside me as deep as he can, his body arches, and I can feel him cuming inside of me. He lays back, we both smile at each other, exchange kisses, and I roll off to the side of him. We both clean up with and then lay with each other.

"You were really quick!" He utters.

"I'm sorry babe. It's these pregnancy hormones."

"That's ok, my love. You were wonderful. How about a smoke? For old times sake?” He asked.  

"Just one!" I laugh.

Tristan pulls out two cigarettes and lights them up, and hands one to me. He sets an ashtray on his stomach and has me laying in his arm. We enjoy each other in silence, then after our smoke, drift off to sleep in one anothers arms.      

June 6, 1986

While Tristan is working twelve hour days, I'm at home, setting up the nursery for our new baby girl, Holly. I decided to give Tristan the opportunity to prove himself, by keeping my baby. I’ve been through dozens of baby name books and finally we’ve picked the perfect name. Tristan made sure the nursery was entirely baby proofed for me about three weeks ago. I've been nesting for the past nine weeks, going through parenting books, organizing the nursery just the way I want it, and folding, and refolding all those adorable infant onesies. Today I feel a little bit off though, and even tossed my breakfast. When I went to lay down for a nap, I knew something was wrong because I exhibited back pain, and then my first contraction hits me like a lightening bolt. I grab the bedside phone right away and call Tristan.

"Hello"

"It's time, baby! I just had my first contraction!" I told him howling through my second.

"Call 911, and I'll meet you at the hospital. It’ll be okay sweetheart." he says.

I hang up, call the police, and focus on my breathing. Within minutes, all the emergency staff is in my bedroom checking on me and my baby. As soon as everything is set up, two sturdy men put me on a stretcher, roll me to the ambulance, and speed off to the hospital with lights and sirens.

I'm taken back to the operating room immediately and prepped for surgery because this baby is coming now the staff says. My doctor has determined that, not only is my frame too small, but my baby girl is big, and I would have to deliver her by cesarean.

"Where's my husband?!" I yell over all the chaos.

A nurse finds him standing outside in the hall waiting to be called back. He rushes over to my side and they begin cutting into my abdomen, where the iodine has been smeared.

"I got here as quick as I could. I'm so proud of you Roxie, and I love you so much!" He said.

"Could we not talk right now? I'm terrified!"

"Of course, but you are doing great!"

Even through all the commotion, I could tell he was just as nervous as I was.

The doctor announces that he has successfully removed my baby. The nurses take her, clean her up, and we hear her cry for the first time. It’s a magical moment. Nurse Anne wraps Holly in a blanket and I hold my baby girl, crying tears of joy.

"We’re parents." I said.

"We did it.” Tristan cried as he held our daughter for the first time.